Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Where Have I Been?

Such a long, long story. Ever hear of burn out, bipolar disorder, not wanting to take your meds because you have the silly notion that they're blocking you. Well I too have fallen under this bit of fallacy and folly. I have been writing since shortly before February 2011. Either blogs, screenplays, short stories, short novels, or novellas. I've also been promoting my ass off. They tell you finding a balance is important as a 'normal' person, but as someone with bipolar disorder it is absolutely essential.

But here's the reality, when it comes to my career I am a bit of a workaholic. I write fast, I promote incessantly and I drink copious amounts of caffeine and eat horribly and probably don't get nearly enough sleep. If I don't take my meds correctly, which I am ashamed to admit I haven't been as of late, that is a sure fire recipe for disaster. And after I finished Breath of Life I watched a disastrous performance of a candidate I supported and absolutely freaked out.

I mean full on, full blown panic attack. I was dealing with these anxieties in the books I was writing as of late and the books were getting increasingly darker. (As you can see, I don't have much faith in people) I foolishly pitched an agent with an unfinished manuscript, I had 30 pages on a screenplay that was one of the strongest pieces I had ever done in that format for a contest, and me and my dad got into it. Then, the bottom fell out and I was so depressed and cried those big fat Matt Damon tears of Good Will Hunting. It was cathartic but I was considering walking away from that agent opportunity and the screenplay.

But you see, I have this aversion to quitting. Whether it's an internal competitive drive, or a left over from my days as a runner where I competed against myself, or even my will to finish and accomplish things if I only set my mind to it I don't know. I like to think it was taking the medicine and getting a cheerleading effort from my secret weapon Tanja Cilia, and a sweet fan letter from a husband and wife, Tim and Abby Druck who loved Gladiator and Bounty Hunter that lifted me up. Or maybe it was a combination of all of those things.

I'm still healing and feel raw but I know this, I'm getting better. So why don't you join me on my GLADIATOR tour. I'm giving away free stuff and there's a lot of cool info about my series to be had! Until next time...


Beth Overmyer said...

Sounds like you've been dealing with a lot. *virtual hugs* You seem very self-aware, which is good: it means you've got an eye on yourself.

Good luck with the book-promoting!

Wishing you the best,

Unknown said...

Thanks Beth, my biggest hope is that others with this illness will see that they don't struggle alone and that great things are possible.

PamelaTurner said...

Sorry to hear you're having problems with the family. I'm still waiting for that fan letter. :-) Heck, I'd be happy for any cover art. LOL But seriously, I know what you mean about not giving up.

Unknown said...

Thanks Pam, don't worry, your cover art will come. And I know you're struggling too, chin up I know you're made of sterner stuff than most.

Rochelle Weber Author said...

I'm coming in late, but as one with bi-polar disorder, I know how dark it can get. I'm not good about disciplining myself to do promo, and I'm a slow writer.

But when I go off my meds I end up on the locked ward at the Veteran's hospital and I don't get anything done. Not to mention losing control of the remote, and having to watch commercials. And instead of one or two hours of TV, being stuck with 8 hours of it in the Day Room with a bunch of guys who like violent movies and sports when I'd rather watch Masterpiece. Yeah--I think I'll stay on my meds. Life's so much better that way.

Sending lots of hugs and healing energy your way. Been there, too.