Friday, February 17, 2012

When It's Hard

 I deal with anxiety. I'm sure everyone does to some degree but when I get anxious it can be paralyzing. I try to calm myself and center myself and doing the deep breathing exercises I learn in therapy but it can all be too much. And sometimes it can even interfere with my writing process.

When things are going good, and I mean when they are fantastic and  the words are flowing and I'm in this other world where everything is right and nothing is wrong and this world with all of it's struggles and disappointments fall away and I am experiencing my story I am happy.

But sometimes there are days like today, where anxiety riddles me and I doubt my talent and my capabilities and fear of failure and success grip me like the twin tyrants they can be and it is incredibly difficult to get anything done.

I started this blog yesterday and didn't get much of anything done. Today I completed the first edits on Bounty Hunter (232 pages) and finished 1900+ words on my new project. I've also promoted my two books. And Another Way To Die is on sale for 30% off making it a steal at $1.75

So as hard as yesterday was today I had the momentum to get a lot done today. So when it's hard, remember to just sit down at the keyboard, typewriter, or notebook and just do it. You don't really ask yourself if it's easy to eat a meal or take a shower or go to work at the evil day job, you just do what needs to be done. Writing is a privilidge that I take seriously. And when I see others copping out and saying I don't have the time or I'm just so tired it pisses me off. Yesterday was hard but I did manage to get 20 pages of edits done before I went to bed. And today I just showed up at the keyboard this morning and it took me a while but I got the edits out of the way and by 10 o'clock this morning I was ready to write. I took a break but around 1 I got to working and now have a full chapter it took me three hours to do that.

You have all day to write you say. So what. You make the time. Publication isn't easy but when it comes to getting that way there's no guarantee that you'll get there. Even then you don't know if you'll make the vaunted Best Sellers List.

Oh, and my two cents about Amazon. Get a grip people, and CHANGE. Generally speaking writers, no matter what industry they're servicing, get the proverbial shaft. Things like Smashwords and Amazon are awesome. If you have a thick skin and know how to drive people to your books then by all means take that great story directly to the masses. It doesn't make you any less of an author than Stephen King. Like I said that's just my two cents.

Today so far I've written 7 pages on my new project today. But I'm not satisfied. I want another scene out of myself. And the anxiety builds the longer it takes me to do it.

I've always dreamed of a major book deal. But looking at the publishing industry I wonder if that is ever going to happen. Amazon has their fingers on the pulse and it seems like Traditional Publishing is sticking its head in the sand. I try not to think about that when writing on a project but being a total type A when it comes to goals.

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