In last month's Romantic Times I saw where there was a challenge or rather a writing contest being jointed held and judged by Kensington/Brava and RT. They were looking for novellas in the romance genre and any subgenre of romance from 15,000-20,000 words. As anyone who is a regular reader of my blog knows I wrestle with Bipolar Disorder and often go through serious swings of high manic energy where I can create a massive amount and true lows where I can be unproductive and be borderline suicidal.
This last month or two has been a true struggle, leading to my lowest of lows this morning where I seriously considered walking away from writing altogether. I received some comments from people in the industry which well intentioned or not have seriously crippled my growth as a writer and what I want to accomplish in my life. When I woke up this morning I felt flat, depressed, and unmoved. When I announced to my best friend, screenwriting partner, and room mate I no longer wanted to be a writer she told me I needed to call the doctor about my medicine.
She also told me I needed to finish the book I had started, I needed to finish it. When I asked her why she told me she wanted to know how it ended. I wasn't sure if I could. I'm still not. I know I'm a writer and when I checked my email box I'd received a best in Romance Books Blog Award. That lifted my spirits and it made me want to open that 6000 word document up and made me decide to put a deadline on myself and churn out the words I needed to in order to reach 15,000 words. Maybe it will suck but I need something to shine the light at the end of the tunnel my illness has me trapped in.
So here it is, me with 9,000 words to churn out along with a synopsis and a cover letter before tomorrow night at 11:59 and sent off to Kensington/Brava before the clock strikes twelve. Checkout my shiny new award and new blog http://amyssportschatter.blogspot.com/. And you can find details on the contest at RT's website and Kensington's website. Wish me luck and good luck to everyone out there.
3 comments:
Oh, Amy: By all means, call your doc and have your meds checked! Don't let this fraking disease stop you from living or writing.
I lost my family to this disease because when my ex divorced me (because of my mood swings), I was afraid to fight for custody of my kids. I didn't know what I was likely to do next, or what might happen to them when I was in bed with the covers pulled over my head too depressed to get up, so I know what you're going through.
Know that I'm here for you if you need me. My e-mail is author@rochelleweber.com. Contact me for my phone number if you want to. Call me anytime--day or night if you need to.
Hugs & Love,
Rochelle
I wasn't diagnosed with bipolar disorder until I was about 29 after years of suffering from mostly devastating depressions sprinkled with bouts of hypomania. In fact, when I was 20, my friends joked with me about my "chemical imbalance" at a time when psych meds weren't talked about nearly as much as they are today. Oh, wow. I just realized that I was 20 *gulp* 25 years ago!!
I give you huge kudos for fighting the disease. I am now in the substance abuse/mental health field and I know that adjusting/changing meds isn't going to fix everything in one's life, but, I know for me, I seem to have to tweak them about every 6months.
I also give you huge props for talking about bipolar on your blog. It seems to me that, even though it is one of the diagnoses du jour, most people are ignorant about what it is and there seems to be more and more of a stigma attached to it.
I just spent the last 5 years in grad school to get my masters in social work after having a serious breakdown 6 years ago. I relapsed on pain killers and became incredibly depressed, suicidal and self-harming. There were many points where I woke up as you did wanting to walk away from my degree and go back on social security disability and take another "vacation" in the "special hospital" in the country! I'm really glad I didn't, but I know I will struggle with bipolar for the rest of my life and today, I can accept it..So...
I say, continue to fight the good fight! I do it to show myself I can and to show others it can be done, too!! Take care.
Mara
Hang in there Amy. You are not alone. Congrats on the award and good luck with the word count.
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