Sunday, April 17, 2011

N is for Numb

This post a little bit of a cheat. Numb is the second book in my Lost Legacies series. But I'm not going to be discussing it. And I may or may not provide a small clip of it at the end of this post. I haven't decided yet. This numb is more about my mood and what it's like to struggle with bipolar disorder on a daily basis and how sometimes even when you do everything the doctors tell you to, things aren't so swell.

Here recently I've had to stop taking one of my medicines because of side effects (doctor's orders no worries), but the effect has been a hypomanic state which led to a crash which I am now wading through. Depression. All I want to do is sleep, which sucks the energy and concentration out of anything you want to do. And it has numbed me out.

So everything becomes a personal attack even if it is a personal attack. I feel like I do a lot and nothing is appreciated and that no one understands where I'm coming from and when I'm able to crawl out of bed I fear I might say something I'll truly regret.

Let me say this: the spotlight is on Bipolar Disorder right now because of people like Catherine Zeta-Jones opening up and going into treatment for her struggle. I hope people take the time to find out about this illness and understand it doesn't make you a freak and that sometimes you just need a little kindness or that you may feel raw. Because it's not just a matter of  not being 'lazy' or just 'getting over it'. And right now I don't feel like 'getting over it'. I'm depressed and I spent most of yesterday in bed and it wasn't any fun.

But I still took my meds and I'll continue taking them. An excerpt seems out of place so I'll skip it for now. At least on this blog. But stay tuned, and if you're showing any symptons of depression or mania don't hesitate to reach out, it could save your life.


Brinda said...

Amy, anyone who knows you in the writing circles is aware of your energy and engagement. I appreciate your honesty in this post. Keep your chin up cause you have many friends supporting you.

Laura said...

Nice to meet you through the A-Z. This post is no cheat - it is difficult to even to write about depression. I'm not bipolar, but I do get serious depressive spells. I congratulate you for your honesty in this post, and hope you are back on the up soon.

Anonymous said...

I have suffered from depression all of my life. I now recognize it in the child I was growing up. Back then, nobody talked about depression or about alcoholism, for that matter.
I know what it's like to have to stop one med. that's working and switch to another one that doesn't seem to work as well.
Hang in there, don't beat yourself up -- Bipolar is doing enough of that already.
YOU aren't alone.

MM the Queen of English