Saturday, November 19, 2011

Odds & Ends

The holiday season is upon us and soon there will be Christmas trees, decorations, candy, turkeys, ham, and of course the traffic around Wal-Mart and the Malls that really let us know that they are.

I love the holidays. But sometimes it is real work bringing that Christmas cheer. And last year Christmas with my best friend out and out sucked. And I would give anything to change it for her and her family. Last holiday season Missy's dad went into the hospital for a transplant. They cut on him eight times, all the while telling her family oh everything is going to be okay. They lied. Through their arrogance and negligence they cost Missy whatever good time she had with her dad short and the day before Christmas Eve he died.

I'll save you the more gruesome details but suffice it to say they treated Missy and her family horribly and this year will be the first real year without him at the holidays. My friend is already hurting and if you bring up the doctors by name she is liable to take you down if you defend them, which I wouldn't dream of doing. I find myself missing him too and last night when my parents and I visited the funeral home for a church member I found it uncomfortable and upsetting as it made me think about Missy's dad.

But at dinner last night with my mom and dad (my stepdad who has raised me since I was 3)I found myself enjoying their company. I was getting ready to compliment them. Last night their calmer, softer alter egos were on display. Just now I got my head bitten off on the phone. They run hot and cold. And I try to remember that they love me even though they aren't the stablest of people, and know if I'm missing my best friend's dad the way that I am that I'm grateful not to be working through the tangle of emotions that come with losing parents that run hot and cold on you.

I love them though, very much, and am grateful for the year that I've had which in no small part was inspired by Missy's dad condition at the end of last year. May she and her sisters and mother find the peace they so desperately  need, and may I have the sanity to deal with my family.



Kate Hill said...

Amy, there's no easy way to deal with loss. You being there to support your friend is so important. The older I get the more I appreciate my family and friends, those who are present and those who aren't, and especially my parents. I'll keep your friend in my thoughts this holiday season. Thank you for sharing this post.

Unknown said...

Thank you for your kind words. I wondered if such a downer of a post was a good idea but my blog is basically an extension of me. I'm feeling a little blue today and I'm trying to shake it off.

Christy McKee said...

Christmas seems to be the saddest time to lose a loved one. My heart goes out to your friend and her family. It sounds like she has a kind, considerate friend in you. My mother died a week before Christmas in 1999. It took a few years of grieving to get to the point where we could joke and tell stories about her and laugh instead of cry. Your friend will get there one day, too. Please let her know that others have her in their thoughts and prayers.

Christy McKee

Unknown said...

Thank you Christy, I'll be sure to pass along your kind words. I put up the tree here and we're going to go Christmas Shopping. It'll be hard but she's tough enough to get through this I know she is.

gail roughton branan said...

Oh, Amy! You are so wise and I'm glad you recognize that while your parents may blow hot and cold, they do still love you. (My mother was at best bipolar and since that disease was not recognized or treated when I was a child, she was at time frankly psychotic. So be proud you are strong neough to survice their hot and cold spells. And always remember that your Dad - is a Dad who didn't have to be your Dad, he chose to be. So there's got to be something really special there. Happy Holidays, darlin', and anytime you need a sounding board to vent, pull out my addy and hit me off the loop.

Unknown said...

Thank you Gail I've had a hot and cold day. Lin just moved me to tears thank you for the words of moral support.